Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday


I Hate Texting

“I wish I was fucking U now.”

“hot thought.”

“not interested”

“then why did you say you wish you were”

“it was a question. R U not interested?”

“Im always interested”

“what R U doing 2nite?”

“sleeping I am about to pass out”

“ahh OK”

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

No Hugs Please

While chatting with another blogger yesterday he said he asked me if I have been in a relationship longer then a year. When I told him the answer was no he said he didn’t think I had. How did he come this conclusion since I have actually met this person in the flesh? He told me he didn’t think I was emotionally available because I didn’t like to hug.

Now I don’t have a real aversion to hugging just a slight one. There are a couple of reasons that I have a problem. The first is that my family is Irish. We are not a huggy kissy people. We are let’s get drunk and fight kind of people. There was very little hugging going around with my extended family. Even now if I go to hug one of my aunts or cousins I get a “ what the hell are you doing” look first followed by an awkward negotiation of the proper way to touch with out offending the other person.

The other reason is when I was young my parents belonged to a few very charismatic religious organizations, the groups were either Catholic or non-denominational. These people were the hippies that found Jesus. Their friends were always hugging me, even when I didn’t know them very well or had just met them. When I was about thirteen I tried to put an end to the practice by offering my hand when I was met with someone with their arms out stretched. It never worked they always slapped it away with a “come here give me a hug”. All I could do was stand there waiting for it to be over. They always grabbed me like they were going to wrestle the life out of my poor skinny body. I would be just catching my breath from the first offender only to be faced with about 30 more.

Through the miracle of time and many hours of therapy I have overcome this problem. But I still do a tuck and roll when anyone moves toward me to quickly at a potluck dinner.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me

Today I turn 35, yikes. The truth is, the number is a far less scary then my actual life. For the past five years I have felt like a leaf drifting in the wind, never really touching the ground, never settling, just drifting, falling and completely oblivious.

Living back in MA only makes this feeling worse. Everyone around me seems to be moving on, buying homes and having children. My life in comparison seems unimportant, dull and pale. Getting up in the morning and making it to work doesn’t feel like such an accomplishment even thought it feels like everything I have in me to be able to do it.

Last night I went in to Boston to a gay bar for the first time for nearly 2 years. What I was hoping would make me feel better only made me feel worse. There is something about this city that I can’t figure out. There seems to be some unwritten code about what night each place is busy, and an age range or each. It’s something I haven’t been able to learn nor have cared to learn.

It feels like I am living between two worlds completely unable to commit to ether, or to afraid to just be one. I feel like I have been just faking it in the straight world when I should be doing something more gay. There has been a lot of sex, but that is my only real contact with gay people.

I thought that moving into the city in a more gay area would make me happier but every that is out of the questions because everything is to expensive or just to far from where I need to be.

Being 35 makes me feel I should be more settled with this issues maybe I will just have to wait until 36.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday


Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Hot As Hell!

A co-worker of mine gave a bottle of this hot sauce last week, it's by far the hottest sauce I have had. The sauce is made in Indonesia from pure chilli peppers. It's not the type of flavor that is so hot you can't taste anything else, it has a great flavor. It will make you want more or as much as you can handle with the sweat from your brow is dripping into your eyes.

I have only had it on chicken fingers so far (yes I am that low rent). However I think it would be perfect for pho or any other Asian soup.

Caution: It burns coming out almost as it dose going in.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Life As The Gay Boyfriend

All of my life I have had more female friends then male. Actually that’s only half true most of my life I have only had female friends until I was an adult is much more accurate.

I am sure there is some Freudian explanation for this, overbearing and dominating older sister making me play with dolls, overbearing and dominating sister making me wear a dress when I was a child, overbearing and dominating sister making me paint her toenails, or maybe I just don’t like men.

It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I actually had any male friends of my own to speak of, but even then the time I spent with the was limited. They were either work friends or gay roommates that were so boring that it took at least 3 mimosas to dull my brain enough to listen to dissertations on which tank top is appropriate for which occasion or tuck, un-tuck, or half-tuck the three most misunderstood words in the English language.

Women always seem to make more sense to me I have never been the type of man that has a problem figure out what a woman means when by what she is saying. And for the most part I totally get the whole PMS thing (by get I mean understand nor actually get or a least I hope I’m not that gay), however I don’t want to hear about your parts and how they work.

None of this seemed to be a problem till my friend Cathy crossed the line on this weekend. Cathy and I have known each other since we were children. Our families camped at the same campground. She knows my whole family and I know hers. We hadn’t seen each other for years until we ran into each other at my weekend job. She is newly single. We started hanging out regularly since then.

My parents were hosting dinner for some camp friends of ours we hadn’t seen in about 15 years. Wouldn’t it be great if I brought Cathy to dinner with me? Sure fine. Cathy and I showed up late, which allowed the Kings and every one else to catch up before we got there. Now the attention was placed on the two of us, not something that makes me comfortable. After the typical questions of what have you been doing for the past 15 years, Cathy started to talk about how much fun her and I have when we are together.

While I was stilling next to her she put her hand on my knee, stared into my eyes and started to say how great I was. Scott and I have so much fun when were together, he has been so great, I’m glad we connected again and so on.

I started to squirm.

“And how do you feel about Cathy, Scott?” Mrs. King asked.

I scanned the room for help and /or the nearest exit. All I got was my mother giving me the “Go Ahead, Make My Day” look.

“She’s fine,” was about all I could muster as I choked down the rest of my cookies.

When we finally got out of there I told Cathy, “Great now my mother is going be saying novenas for the next month thinking there is hope and the Kings think were dating.”

“But honey you’re not my type.”

Monday, March 20, 2006

Born Again and Fooled Again

Why are there gay born again Christians and how do they keep finding me?

Last week I met a guy on manhunt, we had a couple of conversations all of which were great. He came off as smart charming and from his pictures pretty good looking. We never talked about sex. I know manhunt right, who would have thought.

He told me he was a cancer survivor. The cancer has been in remission for 3 years. As with most people who have faced this type of adversity it had changed his perspective on life. Now he was seeing more sunsets, spending more time with nature, and volunteering for a hospice. Professionally he’s a physical therapist.

Awww he cares about people.

All of this made my bleeding hart melt. I may have a rough sarcastic exterior, but on the inside I am really just a twelve-year old girl.

During our conversations on line he told me he grew up mostly in rural PA in the Lancaster area. I brought up religion, but just because I wanted to know if he was Mennonite or not. There were points for me for just knowing what it was, turns out he was raised Nazarene. Nazarene is something I am unfamiliar with other then it’s one of the King James version groups.

He told me he was in therapy and this therapist was a Christian lesbian. Since his illness he had made is peace with god. He wasn’t afraid of dieing, surely his house in heaven would have granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Even facing death the queens are concerned with the esthetics. Because I have spent most of my life around the extremely religious, this didn’t phase me. It would take us meeting face to face to understand how deep it all ran.

I invited him for dinner. When we met he was true to his pictures, if not better. He was in amazing shape. His very tight t-shirt revealed not only very ripple of his upper body, but also a level of narcissism that is rarely found in New Englanders.

At the restaurant we had dinner he is a regular. One of the bartenders came over to chat with us. She had been injured late last year and needed some advice about continuing her physical therapy. Her insurance was refusing to cover more visits even though her doctor recommended them.

My date gave her what sounded to me like great advice. He was also genuinely concerned with her progress. She must have been impressed as well because half of our bar bill was on the house.

After our second drink he started to tell me about how he had a falling out with his family. He didn’t have any contact with them at all, even the brother that had been his bone marrow donor. Without the bone marrow transplant he wouldn’t have survived the cancer.

As it turns out his bother and mother are also born again, but apparently their gods don’t agree on homosexuality. The mother and brother’s god says no while my dates says yes please!

The tequila made my brain say, “Stay listen, tequila very good”. Normally this is the cue for the door.

He goes on to tell me that he had been church shopping with his former partner. The former partner felt his calling was to teach Sunday school, the partner also had a kindergarten age daughter. They were going to an Episcopal Church that had a woman priest that my date didn’t like. Her sermons weren’t up to his standards, not to mention all the sitting and standing.

“You don’t know when to sit when you stand.”

So naturally they went church shopping. How this isn’t really religion shopping I don’t know but these are his words not mine, however he did explain this by saying it’s about god not religion.

Yeah, right.

They eventually found a church that my date could live with, then there was a story about forcing the daughter of the ex to wear a dress on Easter. The ex didn’t care my date did and forced the issue. When you’re born again wearing a new dress on Easter is important for all the world to see you’re serious about god.

Since they broke up he was sure they were no longer attending that church my date had picked out and probably went back to all the sitting and standing of the Episcopal’s. But who cares god is god right apparently not so much.

Before this next part you need to know, yes I told him I am Catholic. Yes I told him my father is a deacon. No I’m sure he heard it.

After his third margarita he started to tell me he didn’t understand the Catholics and the whole idol worship thing. Now this is a bit of a hot button issue for me. It’s not like saying every priest is a child molester, but it runs a close second. It has to do with a basic lack of knowledge about Catholicism. If you understood the religion you would never make the statement.

How it is the Catholics get the brunt of this crap and the Orthodox religions get off I don’t understand, but it’s probably why they still don’t have services in English.

He started with the pope, then Mary, then all the saints. I am sure he would have named them all if he could have. According to him not only are the Catholics worshiping all these people, we are worshiping our priests as well. By breaking the first commandment we are all going to hell. Which is lucky for us ‘cause surely it will be free of the born again.

I didn’t protest when we offered to pay for dinner, nor could I get to my car fast enough.

The scaliest part of this is this is the second time and the second person this has happened with.

As a disclaimer I have to say that I don’t go to mass and I am as disappointed and angry with the Catholic Church as everyone else is. However I still consider it to me my religion, because so much of my identity and personal experience is linked to it.

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Foggy Dew

As down the glen one Easter morn
To a city fair rode I.
There armed lines of marching men
In squadrons passed me by.
No pipe did hum, no battle drum
Did sound its loud tattoo,
But the Angelus Bells o'er the Liffey swells
Rang out in the foggy dew.

Right proudly high in Dublin town
Hung they out a flag of war.
T'was better to die 'neath an Irish sky
Than at Sulva or Sud el Bar.
And from the plains of Royal Meath
Strong men came hurrying through
While Brittania's huns with their long-range guns
Sailed in through the foggy dew.

The bravest fell and the requiem bell
Rang mournfully and clear
For those who died that Eastertide
In the springing of the year.
While the world did gaze with deep amaze
At those fearless men but few
Who bore the fight that freedom's light
Might shine through the foggy dew.

And back through the glen I rode again
And my heart with grief was sore
For I parted then with valient men
Whom I never shall see more.
But to and fro in my dreams I go
And I kneel and pray for you,
For slavery fled the glorious dead

Happy Feast of St. Patrick

Not Half Nekkid

Due to some technical problems with my wireless gateway I was unable to participate in Half Nekkid Thursday. I know your disappointed, but fear not I will be back next week with a vengeance.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

60 Minutes

There was a link on this article was on Scotty’s blog on the Other Side of Straight I wanted to link to it so you could have a look at it.

It baffles me that people are still having this discussion, I would think after the American Psychiatric Association stop classifying homosexuality as a disease we would be done with this conversation. I guess the straights need more convincing.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

On the Move

There are few things that are a bigger pain in the ass then moving. I have lived in MA for 3.5 years and am currently looking for my 5th address. It’s not that I enjoy moving but I have made a couple of bad professional decision thus things panning out as they have.

My current apartment is kind of nice as well as charming, but the charm doesn’t outshine the problems. It’s three rooms which is plenty of space for me all of my furniture (or lack of furniture I should say) fits with out a problem. Storage on the other hand is a completely different matter. There are only two closets one fits my clothes the other has my luggage, coats, linens, and other miscellaneous items. What doesn’t fit in the closet is sitting in the front hall. There is no way you can fool people into thinking a cooler and air conditioner are a table, believe me I’ve tried.

Those are just a minor annoyances the real problem is the noise. My landlord is running a Brazilian refugee camp on the third of the building. There are so many people coming and going I am not sure how many people live up there. They are constantly shouting at each other in the hall, in their apartment, in the parking lot all of which I can hear like we are in the same apartment. That plus the fact they are doing something that sounds like bowling make me feel like I am living in Section 8 housing.

Deciding what town to move to has provided a challenge of it’s own. I don’t want to stay in the town I live in but anywhere I want to live is either to expensive or to far from where I need to be for work. Roommates are defiantly out of the question. I’ve lived that nightmare to many times already, Thank you.

The only good thing about moving is I knew I wasn’t going to stay in this place, so I have things that are still packed from the last time I moved.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Catholic Charities to halt adoptions over issue involving gays

This from today's Boston Globe. Again the Catholic Church is turning it's back on needy children in order to advance themselves. My heart sank when I heard this today.

By Steve LeBlanc, Associated Press Writer March 10, 2006

BOSTON --The Boston Archdiocese's Catholic Charities said Friday it would stop providing adoption services because state law allows gays and lesbians to adopt children.

The social services arm of the Roman Catholic archdiocese has provided adoption services for the state for about two decades, but said it would discontinue once it completes its current state contract. It said that the state law allowing gays to adopt runs counter to church teachings on homosexuality.

"The world was very different when Charities began this ministry at the threshold of the 20th century," the Rev. J. Bryan Hehir, president of Catholic Charities, and trustees chairman Jeffrey Kaneb said in a joint statement. "The world changed often and we adapted the ministry to meet changing times and needs. At all times we sought to place the welfare of children at the heart of our work.

"But now, we have encountered a dilemma we cannot resolve," they said.
Boston Archbishop Sean O'Malley, who had sought an exemption from the law, said the church was faced with a choice between its faith and the state law.

"Sadly, we have come to a moment when Catholic Charities in the Archdiocese of Boston must withdraw from the work of adoptions, in order to exercise the religious freedom that was the prompting for having begun adoptions many years ago," O'Malley said in a statement.

The state's four Catholic bishops had said earlier this month that the law threatens the church's religious freedom by forcing it to do something it considers immoral.
Gay rights groups criticized the decision.

"All of the homes were good and loving homes and now through the pressure of the bishops Catholic Charities is being forced to get out of the business," said Lee Swislow, executive director of Gay and Lesbian Advocates & Defenders. "There are no winners here. The children are the ones who suffer."

Eight members of Catholic Charities' board stepped down in protest of the bishops' stance. The 42-member board had voted unanimously in December to continue considering gay households for adoptions.

Catholic Charities has been involved in adoptions for about a century, but has had a contract with the state Department of Social Services to provide special needs adoption services to children with severe emotional and physical needs since 1977. The contract expires June 30.
In the past two decades, Catholic Charities has placed 720 children in adoptive homes, including 13 with same-sex couples. The bulk of adoptive children in Massachusetts are placed by DSS, rather than outside agencies such as Catholic Charities, the agency said.

Within an hour of Catholic Charities' announcement, Gov. Mitt Romney said he planned to file a bill that would allow religious organizations to seek an exemption from the state's anti-discrimination laws to provide adoption services

"This is a sad day for neglected and abandoned children," Romney, a possible 2008 presidential candidate, said in a statement issued while he was in Tennessee to address the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. "It's a mistake for our laws to put the rights of adults over the needs of children.

"While I respect the board's decision to stay true to their principles, I find the current state of the law deeply disturbing and a threat to religious freedom," he said.

Kerry Healey, Romney's lieutenant governor and a Republican candidate for governor, has said she wouldn't support any legislation to create an exemption.

House Speaker Salvatore DiMasi issued a statement Friday saying he regretted the decision, but supports the anti-discrimination law. He said he would review Romney's bill.

Tim Fitzgerald and his partner John Budron adopted two toddler-aged brothers in 1997 through DSS. Fitzgerald, who married Budron in 2004 after gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts, called the decision by Catholic Charities "tragic."

"It's bad enough that they wouldn't do placement in gay families, but to stop the whole thing is just reprehensible," Fitzgerald said.

In 2003, the Vatican issued a statement on gay marriage that also instructed Catholic charitable agencies not to place adoptive children in gay households.

Massachusetts is the only state to legalize gay marriage, but Catholic service agencies in other states could face similar dilemmas as they seek to find adoptive homes.

Brian Cahill, executive director of Catholic Charities CYO in San Francisco said the agency placed five children out of a total of 136 with gay couples in the past five years. He said most of the children are older, with special needs.

"Our position has been that we operate in the best interest of these very vulnerable, very fragile children," Cahill said.

Former San Francisco Archbishop William J. Levada, now prefect of the Vatican's Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, has acknowledged three teen-agers considered difficult to place were adopted by gay parents through local Catholic Charities during his tenure. He and O'Malley are the only Americans in a new group of cardinals to be installed this month.

"It has been, and remains, my position that Catholic agencies should not place children for adoption in homosexual households," Levada said in a statement in response to inquiries this week.

In Massachusetts, C.J. Doyle, executive director of the Catholic Action League, said the local church should have pressed the adoption issue.

"It's a very disappointing development and a defeat for religious freedom," he said. "They should have fought this in court."

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday


Fact Check

I am I still a gay blogger if I have nothing to say about Brokeback Mountain?

If not I will. I will will make something up, I'm just not sure if I am supposed to or not.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Only In LA

“Hi, can I make and appointment with Christopher, for a haircut?”

“Sure what’s your last name?”

“It’s Dow.”

“Oh my god do you spell it T A O?”

“No it’s phonetic.”

Long pause.

“Ah, it’s D O W.”

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Grey Gardens

Since my weekend job is in a small suburban town I usually see the same people every weekend. Two of those people are and elderly woman and her middle aged daughter. You can tell from the their usual discourse that they spend far to much time together and over time their rolls have reversed.

Every time they come in the daughter will corner a coworker to complain about something we no longer carry. In excruciating detail she will explaining what she used the product for to someone who usually isn’t listening and has no power to help her. If she realizes you aren’t paying attention she will go complain to someone else until she’s satisfied.

Her mother will get bored then start wandering around the store only to get disoriented and loose her way. She will start to yell for her daughter. No mater where you are in the store you can hear them shouting to each other in a shrill New England accents.

“Leigh? Leigh?”

“I’m Ovah Hee-aaaah!”

Both are unaware of the spectacle they are making of themselves.

Every time I see them I ask my coworkers have seen Grey Gardens but none of them have.
Grey Gardens is a documentary that follows the exocentric aunt and cousin of Jackie Kennedy. Who are living in a dilapidated mansion in the Hampton. The mansion is over run by cats and raccoons. The mother and daughter are in danger of being evicted from their home by the town. After the documentary was made Jackie Kennedy stepped in to make the needed repairs to the home.

Yesterday I heard on NPR there is an off Broadway play based on the story. Today I went to look up the play I leaned the movie has an underground cult following like Harold and Maude. There is also a movie in the works.

I hope they are able to capture the craziness of this exocentric pair.

Blast From the Past

On Friday I a was upset to find out my friend Tracy had asked her brother-in-law to be her daughters godfather. Tracy and I have been friends since we were freshmen in high school. We dated for tree years while we were in school. We have been through a lot together.

I know that it’s only a ceremonial title, but we have good friends for a very long time. As they say it’s just nice just to be asked.

Saturday was my friend Jon’s 30th birthday party. We have known each other for about 15 years. Since we have been friends for so long I know his whole family. Saturday he found out that his mother has been dating my godfather for 5 years.

My godfather is a childhood friend of my fathers. Our families were close till I in my mid-teens. I don’t know if there was a falling out, but it has been about 20 years since I have seen him. It was very strange to find out that he had been dating my friends mother.

The joys of living in a small town.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

West Meets East

The first time I saw a Baja Fresh in MA I squealed, yes like a 12 year old girl. It was so loud my friend who was driving almost the curb.

"Stop the car I need a taquito!"

The following day I reported the sighting to every one from CA that I knew. I even called people who were living in CA to share the good news. We were all in disbelief. If you’ve never been to MA we do Mexican like LA does pizza. Not so well.

It’s just like the their restaurants in CA the same menu, the same Baja Salsa, same great chips. However there is one major difference I will never get used, that would be the white girl behind the counter.

Oh Well.

Half-Nekkid Thursday


I'm Sorry

It’s been a been a week since I’ve posted. I would like the apologize to the blogging gods for taking this time off, may you have mercy on me.

The problem is American Idol has completely taken over my life. Five hours last week, 4 hours this week. I think this may be turning into a problem.

Well maybe not, I it’s not like I’ve voted. I mean that would be crossing the line.

Oh just one more thing Chris I love you. Whey you're ready to leave your wife call me!!