Monday, March 20, 2006

Born Again and Fooled Again

Why are there gay born again Christians and how do they keep finding me?

Last week I met a guy on manhunt, we had a couple of conversations all of which were great. He came off as smart charming and from his pictures pretty good looking. We never talked about sex. I know manhunt right, who would have thought.

He told me he was a cancer survivor. The cancer has been in remission for 3 years. As with most people who have faced this type of adversity it had changed his perspective on life. Now he was seeing more sunsets, spending more time with nature, and volunteering for a hospice. Professionally he’s a physical therapist.

Awww he cares about people.

All of this made my bleeding hart melt. I may have a rough sarcastic exterior, but on the inside I am really just a twelve-year old girl.

During our conversations on line he told me he grew up mostly in rural PA in the Lancaster area. I brought up religion, but just because I wanted to know if he was Mennonite or not. There were points for me for just knowing what it was, turns out he was raised Nazarene. Nazarene is something I am unfamiliar with other then it’s one of the King James version groups.

He told me he was in therapy and this therapist was a Christian lesbian. Since his illness he had made is peace with god. He wasn’t afraid of dieing, surely his house in heaven would have granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances. Even facing death the queens are concerned with the esthetics. Because I have spent most of my life around the extremely religious, this didn’t phase me. It would take us meeting face to face to understand how deep it all ran.

I invited him for dinner. When we met he was true to his pictures, if not better. He was in amazing shape. His very tight t-shirt revealed not only very ripple of his upper body, but also a level of narcissism that is rarely found in New Englanders.

At the restaurant we had dinner he is a regular. One of the bartenders came over to chat with us. She had been injured late last year and needed some advice about continuing her physical therapy. Her insurance was refusing to cover more visits even though her doctor recommended them.

My date gave her what sounded to me like great advice. He was also genuinely concerned with her progress. She must have been impressed as well because half of our bar bill was on the house.

After our second drink he started to tell me about how he had a falling out with his family. He didn’t have any contact with them at all, even the brother that had been his bone marrow donor. Without the bone marrow transplant he wouldn’t have survived the cancer.

As it turns out his bother and mother are also born again, but apparently their gods don’t agree on homosexuality. The mother and brother’s god says no while my dates says yes please!

The tequila made my brain say, “Stay listen, tequila very good”. Normally this is the cue for the door.

He goes on to tell me that he had been church shopping with his former partner. The former partner felt his calling was to teach Sunday school, the partner also had a kindergarten age daughter. They were going to an Episcopal Church that had a woman priest that my date didn’t like. Her sermons weren’t up to his standards, not to mention all the sitting and standing.

“You don’t know when to sit when you stand.”

So naturally they went church shopping. How this isn’t really religion shopping I don’t know but these are his words not mine, however he did explain this by saying it’s about god not religion.

Yeah, right.

They eventually found a church that my date could live with, then there was a story about forcing the daughter of the ex to wear a dress on Easter. The ex didn’t care my date did and forced the issue. When you’re born again wearing a new dress on Easter is important for all the world to see you’re serious about god.

Since they broke up he was sure they were no longer attending that church my date had picked out and probably went back to all the sitting and standing of the Episcopal’s. But who cares god is god right apparently not so much.

Before this next part you need to know, yes I told him I am Catholic. Yes I told him my father is a deacon. No I’m sure he heard it.

After his third margarita he started to tell me he didn’t understand the Catholics and the whole idol worship thing. Now this is a bit of a hot button issue for me. It’s not like saying every priest is a child molester, but it runs a close second. It has to do with a basic lack of knowledge about Catholicism. If you understood the religion you would never make the statement.

How it is the Catholics get the brunt of this crap and the Orthodox religions get off I don’t understand, but it’s probably why they still don’t have services in English.

He started with the pope, then Mary, then all the saints. I am sure he would have named them all if he could have. According to him not only are the Catholics worshiping all these people, we are worshiping our priests as well. By breaking the first commandment we are all going to hell. Which is lucky for us ‘cause surely it will be free of the born again.

I didn’t protest when we offered to pay for dinner, nor could I get to my car fast enough.

The scaliest part of this is this is the second time and the second person this has happened with.

As a disclaimer I have to say that I don’t go to mass and I am as disappointed and angry with the Catholic Church as everyone else is. However I still consider it to me my religion, because so much of my identity and personal experience is linked to it.


At 4:40 PM, Blogger Nicole said...


At 8:19 PM, Blogger Hypoxic said...

I could not have handled that evening and that conversation. That you did so long amazes me!

At 2:22 AM, Blogger Scotty said...

Oh good gawd. I have been through some similar conversations. THAT totally sucks. It is a topic I have learned to avoid with most people. It always leads to disagrement. Funny that you met him on manhunt though...TOO funny.

At 4:33 AM, Blogger The Persian said...

Sounds like a nightmare. And this freak was on Manhunt? How does he reconcile that with his strict religous principles. I always find things get ugly when religion is discussed.

At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Scott C said...

Sorry you had to go through that conversation. As others, I have been through them as well. As an Epsicopalean, I can empathize with not knowing when to sit or stand or kneel. And to me it is just wrong to make fun of someones religion.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger David said...

He certainly sounds like a standard bearer for hypocrisy. I have no problem with guys that have strong religious convictions, I do myself, but you have to respect others as well.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger BriteYellowGun said...

Yikes! I'd have been out of there in a heartbeat. As a former Catholic and now primarily an Agnostic, I hate having someone else tell you their religious beliefs because I always know where they are the direction of "saving" me. These people don't understand that being agnostic or atheist even, by no means translates to being amoral and/or being a bad person. Those who truly know me know I am so far in the opposite direction. I just don't need some "organization" which is primarily a business, telling me how to live or what to believe in. I think I got off topic here. sorry.

At 2:22 PM, Blogger Sandouri Dean Bey said...

i think the orthodox try to squeak by because of the whole "graven images" thing, i.e. icons are painted, rather than "graven," which presumably refers to statues...or something like that. maybe it would be easier if they did away with statues and icons altogether and we just waited for jesus and mary to make their annual appearance on some burrito in guatemala.

anyway, leave it to the greeks to try to get off on a technicality like that... slippery bastards.


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