Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Lunch With Mom

My parents got married when they were both just 19. My sister was born nine months after the wedding. I was born just 11 months after her. Needless to say neither of us were planned.

I used to think their lack of parenting skills were due to their age and immaturity. My father used to love to say “we grew up with our kids.” As soon as I was old enough to understand what he was saying I was bothered by it. At 10 years old I remember thinking, “If you’re not a gown up you shouldn’t be having kids.”

Don’t get me wrong I am not ungrateful. I am very thankful for what a had as a child, both my parents worked very hard to make sure my sister and I had everything we needed. Life turned out pretty well for us, which is an achievement since we grew up in a place where things could have gone very badly.

On Sunday I had lunch with my mother. I had spent the morning with my brother-in-law swapping stoves between the house my parents bought and the house they are selling. My mother was anxious to get the stove out of the old house before it was seen by a perspective buyer. I didn’t realize an oven makes or breaks the sale of a house.

In most instances I try to avoid spending time alone with my mother. Mostly because we quickly run out of things to talk about. After we go through the list of what’s new we struggle for something more to say to one another. Then there are times when she says something so insensitive I don’t know how we could be related.

On Sunday we talked about my how nice it was to see my mother’s cousins, who are the children of my Great Aunt who passed away last week and how sad the circumstances had been.
“Yes, it was nice to see them.”

“It terrible we only see them at funerals.”

In the past six months they have lost both of their parents. It has been an extremely hard year for them. In addition to the funerals my cousin’s son Dennis had a horrible accident which left in a coma for four days the week before his grandfather died.

He is in his twenties. He suffers from schizophrenia.

My cousin’s family lives on a dairy farm in rural New Hampshire on the border with Vermont. Dennis had not been taking his medication. No one is sure what the details of the accident were but from what they were able to ascertain got scared by something. He though someone was chasing him. In his delusion he jump off a bridge, under the bridge was a dry river bed.

Because my family is more interested in drawing their own conclusions then getting the facts I don’t know the details of his injuries. All I do know is the fall nearly killed him and put him in the coma.

I asked my mother if she knew how he was.

“Well I know he is taking his medication now. There was something wrong with his hip. I don’t know if he broke it or not but it’s better then it was. I get my information from your grandmother so you know how that goes. They have him in a some sort of day care so that‘s good.”

“It so tragic. The poor kid.”

She nodded at and added.

“I mean I can’t imagine going through all that work to make sure he survived the accident, and still having to deal with his illness. They should have just let him go. I mean could you imagine having to deal with that.”

If I am ever in a coma and you are there, please make sure she is as far from the plug as possible.

Alito Confirmed

Things to do next:

Buy a gun.

Have an abortion.

Find a hot Canadian, British, and/or Spanish man to marry and get the fuck out of here.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Do You Take Sugar . . . One Lump or Two?

This morning’s drive to work down 114 was typical. I was wishing a slow painful demise upon the driver of the Toyota Camry in front of me. Twice he changed lanes with out signaling then threw a lit cigarette out is window surly his death would benefit society.

Normally I don’t listen to radio in the morning, unless it’s NPR. I hate the mindless banter of most morning shows. Hearing Marge from Methuen’s opinion on Karen from Medford’s marital problem is not how I enjoy spending my morning commute. Not that I ever enjoy the commute.

But this morning when I got in the car I was half a sleep and more concerned with being able to visit my new Brazilian boyfriend (he doesn’t know we’re dating) at Dunkin Donuts to get a bagel then was with the radio. I mind was too occupied to think of putting on a CD.

I was 20 minutes into the 45 minute drive when I heard the begging of the song.

“Step inside, walk this way
You and me babe, Hey hey”

I reached radio to …. turn it up. (Ok David I like bad music now and again too!)

“Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on
Livin' like a lover with a radar phone
Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp
Demolition woman, can I be your man”

Not only did I turn it up . . . I sang, I sang as loud as I could. I didn’t care who was watching, surprising myself that I still know all the words.

I was transported back to 1988 driving down US 1 in my friend Julie’s Chrysler LeBaron. The bright August sun was about to set.
My girlfriend Stephanie and I had spent all day in Julie’s pool, our faces had a sun kissed glow. Now the three of us were heading to Kelly’s Roast Beef on Revere Beach for a clam roll. As we sped through Saugus past the Hilltop we screamed the lyrics. It was the perfect summer day.

If it hadn’t been in the 20’s this morning, I would have rolled the windows down to try to capture that feeling again.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Half-Nekkid Thursday


Today for Half-Nikked Thursday I have a guest. This is a good friend of mine Dr. S. He sent me this picture and suggested I post it today. So here he is.

You Know Me I Hate Everyone

I have been in the worst mood for the past two days. There is nothing that is making me happy. There really isn’t much reason for me to be so cranky I just am.

The snow sucks. I curse the day I moved back here. What was I thinking? I am starting to think that panhandling and living under an overpass on the 405 would have been a better idea.

I hate the woman at the check out stand in Stop & Shop who can’t figure out how to use the credit card machine. Five times it takes her before her transaction is finally complete. How does this woman function in her daily life if she can follow some simple directions?

The next guy in line has to argue about the price of his steak. He laughs.

“I was so irritated with the woman before me for taking so long and now I am holding up the line.”

Thank god there is someone standing in between us. If she wasn’t there I surely I would have hit him. Instead I try to burn a hole in his head with my stare.

My life is like Groundhog Day. It’s the same day repeating over and over and over. If it weren’t for television programming I wouldn’t know what day it is. This morning we got more fucking snow, which means another hour plus ride into work dodging plows and ass holes driving SUVs.

Co-workers are the worst. Not only am I a glorified telemarketer I have to put up with these assholes. You aren’t at home in your living room please STOP singing. I know your mother probably didn’t give you enough attention when you were a child but I’m not here to help you make up for that, OK?

Yesterday black pants, tan shoes and a navy blue blazer, today black pants, tan shoes and navy blue blazer it’s only his second day. I know I am going have to stab him in the parking lot to put us both out of our misery.

The quote of the day, “Well you know they are overly verbose.” I can’t make this shit up.

American Idol sucks. Why am I wasting my time watching this crap?

Stop the insanity. I can’t stop eating. I have made a conscious effort to be good but it’s been such a struggle. Why do I know every place that sells Ho Ho’s on the 25 mile drive to work?

There will never be a quite night in my apartment. The Brazilians who live up there constantly stomp on their wood floors. If it’s not the stomping is the stereo blaring. My friend has offered to have a member of the Danvers Police stop by. I am afraid that will only make the situation worse.

Maybe I just need to get laid.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Gay Priests

When I was a child mother wanted me to be a priest. Till the time I was about 18 she would tell me how it was a great life and how wonderful the job is.

“Wouldn’t your Great Grandmother be so proud?”

It’s ironic to think how well I would have fit in.

Now the Catholic Church is saying they are banning gays. They don’t want the priesthood to be thought of as a gay profession as it is now. Apparently somewhere there is a huge group of straight men who are avoiding becoming priests because of all the gays. Only the new Pope seems to have talked to one of these men.

Here are a few reasons why it will always be a gay profession. Straight men could never appreciate these things the way we could.

1. Dress Up – No one bats an eyelash when you show up in a dress. Then as you get promoted you get jewelry. Can we talk about the hats? Private industry really should look into this reward system.

2. Pageantry – Every ceremony starts and ends with a parade where the main attraction is you.

3. The Gossip – You get to hear everyone’s most juicy secrets. The only draw back is you can’t tell, but girl if she only knew who her husband was sleeping with!

4. The Travel – This month it’s Rome, next month Sao Paulo, then South Beach. Every trip is a business trip, Fabulous!

5. All The Word’s A Stage – Once a week hundreds of people come to see your one man show. There is a great monologue, some singing, you’re still trying to get the dancing worked out but we know you will.

6. The Housing – Usually you are put up in the biggest house in town. It comes complete with volunteers who do the cooking, cleaning, and the laundry. Servants with out the payroll.

7. The Work Week – Two days a week a few hours a day. The rest of the time is me time.

8. Basic Black – Everyone looks better in back. You may have gained a pound or two but no one will suspect.

9. The Crucifix – Every room in your house has a sculpture and/or painting of a man with great abs in his underwear. No one thinks it’s excessive.

10. Communion – Not only are you the only one in room who gets a full glass of wine, you get to ration it out to everyone else. “Honey, don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

11. You're The Favorite – Finally you are the favorite child. The other kids can push out as many kids as they like, but you’ll always get top billing. Any one who argues goes to hell.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Great Aunt Sis

My great Aunt Sis died last week at age 76. She was buried yesterday and waked on Monday. Sis was my grandmother’s only sibling. She has three daughter’s, two grandsons and one great grandson.

She had been sick with cancer for the past few years, my family knew the end was near. The cancer was causing her quite a bit of pain, she had been moved into a hospice. As trite as it sounds, she is truly in a better place now.

Sis had a great sense of humor, she always seemed to be laughing. With that in mind I’d like to share with you some high points of the services.

At the first sound of people coming into the funereal home my grandmother shot up and looked at my aunt.

“Get up we got customers!”

The priest who officiated over the funereal was more flamboyant Nathan Lane in the Bird Cage. He was wearing about as much make up and a horrible, horrible toupee.

“Isn’t pride a sin?”

“Not when your Fr. Drag Queen.”

All of the woman in my family have been blessed with child bearing hips. The fact that doorway to the Ladies Room door was six inches wider then the Men’s room didn’t go unnoticed.

The narrow flimsy folding chairs worried us all.

"Move over to this one I need to sit on the end."

"I'm 280 I'll be shocked it that holds."

If hell exists at least we'll all be there together.

5 Things

Tagged from Nicole at TraveligTreeFrog, who am I to say no?

FIVE JOBS YOU HAVE HAD IN YOUR LIFE: Record Store Manager, Receptionist, Design Assistant, Costing for BCBG, Advertising Sales.

FIVE MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER: Young Frankenstein, Nightmare Before Christmas, Steele Magnolias, Jeffery, Rear Window.

FIVE PLACES YOU'VE LIVED: Los Angeles, CA, West Hollywood, CA, Lynn, MA, Salem, MA, Danvers, MA.

FIVE TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH: The Apprentice, The Simpson’s, The Biggest Looser, 60 minutes, Date Line.

FIVE PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION: San Fran., Boston (when I didn‘t live here), Montreal, Orlando, Cape Cod.

FIVE WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY: Hotmail, Boston.com, MSNBC, Manhunt, Friends Blogs.

FIVE OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS: Braciola, Tuna Steak, Fried Clams, Stuffed Chicken Wings, Macaroni and Cheese Casserole.

FIVE PLACES YOU WOULD RATHER BE: Santa Barbara, New York City, Fresno, Mexico City, Barcelona.

FIVE ALBUMS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: Aretha Franklin - I Never Loved A Man The Way That I Love You. Gypsy Kings - Live, The Cure - Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, The Smiths Greats Hits I & II, Nine Inch Nails - Pretty Hate Machine.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Heat Is On

It's 80 degrees in my apartment! It's 13 degrees outside. No wonder I wake up every morning with a mouth full of dry phlegm. Yuck.

My heat is included with my rent, so I don't have control over the temperature of my apartment. A couple of weeks ago I complained to the landlord that it was only 64 in here. The next day he came to fix the radiators. He told me they weren't open, no they are. I should be nice an toasty from then on. Great.

Now I am roasting. I have had the windows open all day. It hasn't seemed to cool anything down. I can't wait to get the hell out of this apartment.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Short, but Sweet

This is an old story, but I just found out about it. I am not sure how I could have missed it. It may have lessened the sting my heart felt as I drove down Rt. 1 past the cows that look out from the Hill Top Steak House to find something nothing less then horrifying.

How could this have happened?

Where is the humanity?

Is God's way of saying, "Hey fatass, May I suggest a spinning class?"

Sweet, but short

After 16 months, the buzz is gone, and so is Saugus's Krispy Kreme

By Kathy McCabe, Globe Staff December 15, 2005

Krispy Kreme's neon red ''Hot Doughnuts Now" sign has gone dark on Route 1, creating a gaping hole in Saugus's commercial strip just 16 months after opening to great fanfare, with balloons, giveaways, and customers camping out overnight to be first in line.

With its name blacked out on its towering sign, its windows papered up, and its building for lease, Krispy Kreme's demise is easy to spot.

And locals say you only have to look next door -- where the pink-and-orange Dunkin' Donuts logo looms large -- to know why.

''They went up against a 10,000-pound giant next door, and it's not Kelly's," said Brian
McCarthy, owner of Kelly's Roast Beef, which is across Lynn Fells Parkway from the shuttered Krispy Kreme. ''They were fighting this New England phenomenon, which is Dunkin' Donuts, and they had no chance of winning that battle."

The Dunkin' Donuts store, which averages 12,000 customers per week, saw sales drop about 2 percent the first few weeks after Krispy Kreme opened, a store official said.

''I think people just wanted to try it," said Jennifer Furtado, a manager for the franchiser who owns six Dunkin' Donuts shops in Saugus. ''They probably were smart to open next door because we draw the crowds already."

Across town at Kane's Donuts, a 50-year-old independent shop, customers had another theory about why Krispy Kreme didn't cut it in Saugus.

''They weren't real doughnuts," said Janet Kierstead, 56, an art teacher in the Saugus public schools who stopped in Sunday for coffee and a chocolate-chip muffin. ''They were a novelty."

''They were too airy," said Kenny Poole, 60, a letter carrier sitting at the counter at Kane's. ''I went over there and stood in line when they opened in Medford. Their coffee I liked because it's strong. But the doughnuts -- forget it."

But Krispy Kreme's local franchiser said the Saugus store's closing last week, along with one in Medford, was driven by the high real estate costs in northeastern Massachusetts, which hindered long-term growth plans.

''Real estate costs up there are so exorbitant," said Janice M. Mathews, a vice president at Jan Cos., the company based in Cranston, R.I., that bought the Krispy Kreme franchise rights for southern New England. ''We realized we couldn't do the normal expansion we would need to make this [investment] work."

Mathews said several banks and restaurants have expressed interest in leasing the 4,600-square-foot structure, built on the former site of Russo's Candy House at the interchange of Route 1 and Lynn Fells Parkway. ''We'll weigh our options," she said.

Jan Cos., which also owns two Burger King restaurants and the site of the Famous Dave's barbecue on Route 1, waged a long and expensive battle to open Krispy Kreme on Route 1. The company bought out the former Russo's Candy House, tore down the white Colonial-style building, and replaced it with the doughnut shop. In all, Jan Cos. spent more time acquiring the site and obtaining local permits than selling doughnuts there.

The Saugus store, which debuted in August last year, never generated the same buzz that greeted the earlier openings in Dedham, Medford, and the Prudential Center in Boston. There were no lines snaking around the building. And local fears of traffic tie-ups never materialized.

''It lasted about two weeks," said McCarthy, who feared Krispy Kreme customers would park in his Kelly's lot. ''Then, all the ballyhoo was over. . . . I never really saw it busy there."

Still, Krispy Kreme's abrupt closing eight days ago was a surprise.

''They didn't give me any hint that they were closing," said Jon Paddock, 52, of Revere, who applied for a manager's job two days before. ''At first, I thought [the paper] was a Christmas decoration, but then I saw the 'for lease' sign."

Paddock, laid off recently from a job at a fitness club, said he often took his 7-year-old daughter, Nicole, to Krispy Kreme.

''She loved them," he said. ''They're really sweet."

Krispy Kreme, which has a cultlike following in the South, is renowned for serving ''Hot Doughnuts Now." When lighted, the sign indicates that Krispy Kreme's so-called ''doughnut theater" is in action. Doughnuts made from a yeast mix roll along a conveyor, in full view of customers who watch from behind glass. Original hot-glazed doughnuts are showered with a sweet, sticky coating.

''They're really a little doughnut factory," said John Glass, an analyst who follows Krispy Kreme for CIBC World Markets Inc., a Canada-based investment bank with offices in Boston.

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc., based in Winston-Salem, N.C., is publicly traded on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol KKD. The company produces 7.5 million doughnuts a day at 350 stores around the world, according to company information.

Mathews declined to disclose sales figures, saying only that both Saugus and Medford did ''OK." She also dismissed critics who said Krispy Kreme is no match for Dunkin' Donuts, which has nine outlets in Saugus.

''We never expected to be busy from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m.," she said. ''Krispy Kreme's busiest time is 3 p.m., when soccer moms come in to buy dozens of doughnuts, usually for a team or school event."

As part of its agreement with Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc., Jan Cos. hoped to open 16 Krispy Kreme stores in New England. It had opened seven, but last week closed three and sold its interest in all but one location, at the Mohegan Sun casino complex in Connecticut, to Krispy Kreme.

In August, the company closed its shop at the Prudential Center, its only Boston location.

Krispy Kreme will continue to operate a store in Dedham. The store supplies boxed Krispy Kremes for sale in Shaw's supermarkets, Shop Rite, and Tedeschi convenience stores, and for kiosks at ExxonMobil and Hess gasoline stations. ''People will still be able to buy our product there," said James Golden, a Krispy Kreme spokesman.

Golden declined further comment on Krispy Kreme's future plans for New England.
Krispy Kreme Doughnuts is struggling nationally, after rapid expansion across the country. The federal Securities and Exchange Commission is investigating the company's accounting practices. The company, which has not filed financial statements since last year, also has been sued by unhappy shareholders.

After going public in 2000, Krispy Kreme's stock traded as high as $37 per share. But the company's stock price has fallen since, dropping to about $6 a share amid financial struggles and the federal accounting inquiry.

Glass said the local store closings are symptomatic of the company's financial problems. ''They're essentially going through a huge restructuring," he said. ''What's happening in New England is happening all over the country."

But he said the Krispy Kreme brand is far from dead.

''Krispy Kreme has been around since 1937," Glass said, referring to the chain's origins as a single factory in North Carolina. ''It still is a very good brand."

Kathy McCabe can be reached at kmccabe@globe.com.
© Copyright 2005 Globe Newspaper Company.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Half-Nekked Thursday


What Color Is Your Heart?

Your Heart Is Purple
For you, love is about establishing and developing a deep connection.If it's true love, it brings you more wisdom and inner strength.
Your flirting style: Sincere
Your lucky first date: An afternoon at a tea house
Your dream lover: Is both thoughtful and expressive
What you bring to relationships: Understanding

I was expecting it to be black.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

One of Those Days

I woke up this morning excited that I was finally getting my car back. The excitement turned to horror when they told me how much the repairs cost.


I nearly cried when they told me the total. This has nearly drained my savings account. In the past year I have spent close to $3,500 on a car that is only worth $4,500.

In past year and half I have worked so had to hold every thing together after being laid off twice and now it’s almost all gone.

To add insult to injury when I went to the bank to transfer the funds for the car I was confronted with someone I had a one night stand with last year. Apparently he is the manager there. Thank God he didn't recognize me. I tried to contact him after our tryst but he didn't respond.

Great now I'm broke and a whore. I shouldn't be allowed to show my face in public.

Then at the suggestion of Faggoty Ass Faggot I watched this.

It changed my whole perspective.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Holy Global Warming Batman

It's like spring in January here in Massachusetts. Normally it's about 35 degrees during the day this time of the year, but this week as been really warm.
Today's high was 46. It's forcasted to be 50 through the week end.
While I was out getting some lunch I had the window in my rental car down. Lisenting to the new NIN louder then I should have been.
It remided me of being in LA during winter. Every one I knew would be complaining that it was 50 degrees out. I would be driving around the city with a windows down wearing a light jacktet listening to Tool.

Monday, January 09, 2006

I Hate to Date

I hate to date because I am horribly insecure. The last two guys that I dated decided it would be better to live in states at least a thousand miles away then to live in the state I we dated in. Which doesn’t bode well for me or help my insecurity.

At the moment I am casually involved with 2 guys, possibly a third. I am not sure how this happened, it just did. The real problem is I can’t seem to move any of them forward. Which is truly a metaphor for the past few years of my life.

Every relationship I have been in has started out casually then turned to dating. I can’t put my finger on when or what caused the transition happened. So, I am at a loss on how to move any of these further.

I am trying to be patient, but it’s killing me.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

It's the End

I got a call from Hyundai Corporate today telling me that my car wouldn't be covered under the warranty. Needless to say I am really upset.

The repairs are going to cost me between $15,000 and $18,000. I have to give back my rental car tomorrow because I can't afford it any longer. For the next week I will not have a car, and I am unsure how I am going to back and forth to work.

I was hoping this wasn't going to end in litigation but it looks like I have no other choice.

Over the week end I will post my complaint to the Mass Attorney General.

This isn't how I wanted to start the new year.

My advice is still don't buy a Hyundai.

Half-Nekkid Thursday


Monday, January 02, 2006

Tales of a West Hollywood Drop Out Part 2

When we walked into Numbers every one at the bar turned around, as they do there. This is a pretty common practice at bars in LA. The first time it happened to me I wasn’t sure why people were staring at me. It was at the bar in the Standard Hotel. Almost every one turned to see who the new person in the bar was. When they realized I wasn’t anyone worth mentioning they whet back to their drinks.

The practice at Numbers is a bit different. This is where older wealthy gay men go to find some companionship for the night. The place just reeked of loneliness and desperation.

Just being in this bar gave Josh’s ego a shot in the arm. He loved it when older wealthy men approached him. He never seems to have enough attention. However being mistaken for a postitute wasn’t something I enjoyed. Not that it ever happened to me. At 10lbs overweight I was obese by West Hollywood standards.

Tonight we seemed to get a longer examination then was customary. I thought it was because of the way we were dressed. Seeing a man in a dress in a gay bar is welcome a man in a suit isn‘t. Sometimes when the three us were out together we would get odd looks because we were the tallest people in the room. In height we ranged from 6’6” to 6’3”. The suits just made us look suspicious.

Josh flashed his award winning smile to the senior crowd, surly to pick out his next target if Chris’s trust fund ran out. There didn’t seem to be any takers tonight. He was so happy it didn’t seem to bother him.

We were escorted to a table by a host that looked like an aged porn star. He looked familiar but I couldn’t remember where I’d seen him before. He had a rugged handsomeness. His Levis were filled out perfectly. I am sure these were the only qualifications listed on his resume. When he opened his mouth his purse fell out, ruining my fantasy.

We started with calamari with marinara sauce. I can’t remember what I ordered for dinner, due to the cosmos we were drinking. Numbers may have awful food and lack atmosphere but that is all made up for with the perfect cosmo.

After dinner it was to Motherload for some more drinks. I can’t imagine why we would go there other then Chris knows all the bartenders. By this time of night everything would be in full swing there wouldn’t be a reason to stop there, but we did.

People kept asking us why were dressed up.

“We got married today.”

“Huh? All three of you?”

“Yes! We couldn’t be happier.”

One drink was about all I could take at this place. We walked across the street to Mickey’s. This is the bar Chris loves to hate, but we wanted to dance. Josh and I didn’t want to deal with all the circuit queens at Rage, neither did I. Chris agreed with a huff.

We danced and drank more. The music was loud. The club was packed. We were having a great time. I was no longer buzzed I was drunk.

I made a couple rounds in bar talked to a couple of friends, made a new friend or two. When I met up with Chris and Josh again Josh was talking to Javier. They were standing by the entrance. Javier was our drug dealer. He used to do hair with Chris but business had been so good he went into drugs full time. Josh and Javier went into the men’s room.

“What are they doing?” I shouted.

“I dunno,” he was half angry half concerned.

A few minutes passed. Josh made his way back over to us. He walked up to Chris with a funny smirk on his face, his cheeks were all red his eyes were glossy. Chris turned his head to kiss him, but Josh fell to the ground.

Both Chris and I leaned down to help him up. We got him to his feet. He still had the smirk on his face. He was leaning on me for support.

“Are you OK?” I yelled into his ear. He didn’t respond. I turned my head to Chris to see what we should do. Josh slipped and fell again. This time I was able to catch him.

“It’s time to go!”

“I’ll get us a cab.”

Chris held Josh up wile I went out side to hail a taxi.

With one arm over each of our necks we guided him to the car. He couldn’t stand up. We picked him up like a log and laid him on the back seat. Chris got in the back. I got in the front.

You could see the cab driver was a little nervous. He was a little Russian who didn‘t seem to like the look of us.

“Iz dat guy all right?”

“Yeah he’s fine,” I said unconvincingly. Chris started to giggle.

I gave him our address. Thank God we are only about a mile away.

The cab driver kept looking in the rear view mirror at Josh’s head resting in Chris’s lap. He circled the block. He would look in the mirror at the road then at me. I was starting to think he was just going to pull over and tell us to get out of the car. We make a right onto Fountain a left on the wrong street. I explain to him the next block is Kings. He grumbles at me.

We are halfway down the hill on the block parallel to ours when Josh’s stomach started to turn. We could all hear it.

The cab drive yells into the mirror, “he better not be zick back deer!” He wasn’t paying attention to where he was driving, we were getting closer and closer to the cars parked along the side of hill.

Josh couldn‘t hold it down any longer. The contents of Josh‘s stomach hit the back of the driver‘s seat and the floor with a loud slosh. I look back, then forward. “Oh my God!” I screamed as the cab driver drove right into a parked car.

Time stood still for a second. I was to scared to move. No, no this didn’t just happen, but it did.

Chris broke the science with a laugh. “Hey, hey, if you don’t tell anyone about this. *hiccup* We won’t tell anyone about that.”

The diver is beat red. He probably part of the Russian Mafia and this job is just a front. He will kill us for sure. He lets out a heavy sigh. He backs the taxi up. There is a big dent in the car we hit. He doesn’t stop. He doesn’t say anything. He drives us to our street.

“Just let us out here at the bottom.”

“But how are we going to get,” Chris starts but I shut him up with a look.

I pay the driver he starts to argue with me about the vomit, but I just got out of the car to help Chris with Josh. We barely get the door closed. The driver swears at us and speeds off.

We get Josh half way but the hill. I am drunk and tired. We sit him down for a rest. His eyes look like they are rolling back in his head. Immediately I think, Oh shit he’s in a K hole.

I don’t know why but I remember the last time we were at Probe someone called Chris a silly queen for not knowing that you give some one in a K hole Coke-A-Cola to get them out. I told Chris to stay there I was going to run to the apartment to get some Coke.

“Don’t move.”

I ran the rest of the way up the hill. I nearly slipped on my new Kenneth Cole shoes. I ran up stairs, let my self in, and get to the fridge. Snatching the Coke I made a mad dash out of the building. Halfway down the sidewalk, I found Chris dragging a face down Josh across the street. Chris had his arms under each of Josh’s shoulders. Josh’s legs were bent at the knees. This is what Christ would have looked like if he feel face forward off the cross.

“What the fuck are you doing? I told you not to move him?”

Chris says something I don’t understand. I picked up one side of Josh so we can get him out of the street. We sat him up on a garden wall. I get the bottle I dropped. I start to force-feed him the Coke. After I thought he had enough I took the bottle away from him. Josh sat there with his head bobbing up and down for a few seconds. I let out a deep breath.

As I leaned into help him stand up, I am met with a warm liquid falling all over my the bottom of my pants and shoes. The smell of bile mixed with tomato sauce stung my nose.

Chris gasped.

In one motion I picked Josh up by the head and shirt.

“Now you’re going to walk bitch!”

By myself I pushed Josh up the rest of the hill. I walked him up the stairs and into our apartment hoping my grip will give him a burse. I took him into their bedroom where I let him fall face first onto the bed. Chris was afraid of what I’d do next. He pushed me out of the room assuring me he could take it from there.

The next morning I woke up with one on the worst hangovers I’ve ever had. When I opened my bedroom door. Josh walked by me. He smiled it was obvious he had little memory of the night before. I looked down to see both of his knees were scrapped and scabbed over.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“ Well Scotty, It wasn’t the first time, it won’t be the last.”