Thursday, January 19, 2006

Gay Priests

When I was a child mother wanted me to be a priest. Till the time I was about 18 she would tell me how it was a great life and how wonderful the job is.

“Wouldn’t your Great Grandmother be so proud?”

It’s ironic to think how well I would have fit in.

Now the Catholic Church is saying they are banning gays. They don’t want the priesthood to be thought of as a gay profession as it is now. Apparently somewhere there is a huge group of straight men who are avoiding becoming priests because of all the gays. Only the new Pope seems to have talked to one of these men.

Here are a few reasons why it will always be a gay profession. Straight men could never appreciate these things the way we could.

1. Dress Up – No one bats an eyelash when you show up in a dress. Then as you get promoted you get jewelry. Can we talk about the hats? Private industry really should look into this reward system.

2. Pageantry – Every ceremony starts and ends with a parade where the main attraction is you.

3. The Gossip – You get to hear everyone’s most juicy secrets. The only draw back is you can’t tell, but girl if she only knew who her husband was sleeping with!

4. The Travel – This month it’s Rome, next month Sao Paulo, then South Beach. Every trip is a business trip, Fabulous!

5. All The Word’s A Stage – Once a week hundreds of people come to see your one man show. There is a great monologue, some singing, you’re still trying to get the dancing worked out but we know you will.

6. The Housing – Usually you are put up in the biggest house in town. It comes complete with volunteers who do the cooking, cleaning, and the laundry. Servants with out the payroll.

7. The Work Week – Two days a week a few hours a day. The rest of the time is me time.

8. Basic Black – Everyone looks better in back. You may have gained a pound or two but no one will suspect.

9. The Crucifix – Every room in your house has a sculpture and/or painting of a man with great abs in his underwear. No one thinks it’s excessive.

10. Communion – Not only are you the only one in room who gets a full glass of wine, you get to ration it out to everyone else. “Honey, don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

11. You're The Favorite – Finally you are the favorite child. The other kids can push out as many kids as they like, but you’ll always get top billing. Any one who argues goes to hell.


At 11:00 PM, Blogger Will said...

Add to number 7 that your housemates are more guys like yourself. Wonder if the same lack of underwear that goes with kilts goes with black cassocks as well. Hmmmmm.

At 10:09 AM, Blogger The Persian said...

Hysterical man...and alllll true!

At 10:26 AM, Blogger jacob henry said...

yeah yeah yeah. . . we all have a crush on a priest. now where's that HNT?

At 10:39 AM, Blogger David said...

You Catholics are so lucky. The gay rabbis don't have it nearly so easy. They have to push out babies almost once a year.

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Nicole said...


You would have made a great priest. I can see you all dressed up. "Peace with you" and all that jazz.

At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Scott, didn't you dress up as a priest (or was it a cardinal?) at that Hell party Carlos had a few years back??? Quite amusing, I must say. :)


At 8:05 PM, Blogger Scott E D said...

Oh Yes!! I forgot about that. Ahh good times.

At 4:02 PM, Blogger coolbuddha said...

That's it, I'm converting. Do Catholics celebrate Christmas?

At 9:14 PM, Blogger Hypoxic said...

My neighbors are wondering why I'm laughing LOL

At 11:07 PM, Blogger Bill German said...

i still cant believe how widespread the church scandal was. the human mind is so strange

At 11:50 AM, Blogger David said...

Just a small town girl, livin’ in a lonely world
She took the midnight train goin’ anywhere
Just a city boy, born and raised in south detroit
He took the midnight train goin’ anywhere

A singer in a smokey room
A smell of wine and cheap perfume
For a smile they can share the night
It goes on and on and on and on

Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard
Their shadows searching in the night
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion
Hiding, somewhere in the night

Working hard to get my fill,
Everybody wants a thrill
Payin’ anything to roll the dice,
Just one more time
Some will win, some will lose
Some were born to sing the blues
Oh, the movie never ends
It goes on and on and on and on


Don’t stop believin’
Hold on to the feelin’
Streetlight people

So there.


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