Tuesday, March 28, 2006

No Hugs Please

While chatting with another blogger yesterday he said he asked me if I have been in a relationship longer then a year. When I told him the answer was no he said he didn’t think I had. How did he come this conclusion since I have actually met this person in the flesh? He told me he didn’t think I was emotionally available because I didn’t like to hug.

Now I don’t have a real aversion to hugging just a slight one. There are a couple of reasons that I have a problem. The first is that my family is Irish. We are not a huggy kissy people. We are let’s get drunk and fight kind of people. There was very little hugging going around with my extended family. Even now if I go to hug one of my aunts or cousins I get a “ what the hell are you doing” look first followed by an awkward negotiation of the proper way to touch with out offending the other person.

The other reason is when I was young my parents belonged to a few very charismatic religious organizations, the groups were either Catholic or non-denominational. These people were the hippies that found Jesus. Their friends were always hugging me, even when I didn’t know them very well or had just met them. When I was about thirteen I tried to put an end to the practice by offering my hand when I was met with someone with their arms out stretched. It never worked they always slapped it away with a “come here give me a hug”. All I could do was stand there waiting for it to be over. They always grabbed me like they were going to wrestle the life out of my poor skinny body. I would be just catching my breath from the first offender only to be faced with about 30 more.

Through the miracle of time and many hours of therapy I have overcome this problem. But I still do a tuck and roll when anyone moves toward me to quickly at a potluck dinner.

9 Comments:

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Will said...

First of all, happy belated birthday--I was away in New York and only got back this morning.

I'm the exact opposite--I hug almost reflexively. I think that holding a man in my arms is one of life's great pleasures and I don't deny myself. I was extremely repressed emotionally while growing up and I've gotten beyond that to a place where tgouch is extremely important. It's good to hear you're on that journey, too.

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger David said...

I never had a problem with hugging. Kissing was the thing that I had an issue with for the longest time. In my family, a kiss on the lips was reserved only for a spouse and my mother would physically cringe if she even saw a parent and child give each other a peck on the lips. She also would verbally express disgust whenever she saw any kind of deep kissing in a movie or on TV. When I finally started to date men and had the opportunity to lock lips, I was initially put off by questing tongues, and overly sloppy kissers still lose points in my book. But I'm learning.

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger coolbuddha said...

I can echo what you say. But once you feel comfortable, a hug (without ritual or cliche) is a great thing. So long as the person hugging allows enough space to breathe of course. Breathing is important.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger BriteYellowGun said...

Oh that's just rich! Emotionally unavailable because you don't like to hug? I'm the exact same way. My family was never all that touchy-feely so I still cringe when strangers or acquaintances invade my rather large personal space and start putting their hands, arms or lips (or all at once) on me. I've been told I come off as "cold" because apparently my reaction is rather obvious. LOL!

RYC: It was actually Bobby Brown's sister who supplied the latest update on Whitney's crack fixation. Those crazy kids!

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger liits said...

Count me in on this one too! I guess my repressed Catholic up-bringing blah blah, did the same for me.
I don't see myself as either cold or repressed but I'm also no foil for this kissing on both cheeks, mmmmmwa!, mmmmmmwa! at every verse end. I don't go in for kissing complete strangers, you don't know where they've been [or who with!]. I think a more worthwhile exercise would be a no-obligation-either-way feel of the balls. At least then you would know if it was worth while either continuing the conversation / buying them a drink...

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger The Persian said...

I still say you have issues Scott.
You need the love of a good man to melt your icy heart..LOL
When I see you, you are getting a hug and it's sooo not going to be one of those stupid tap tap on the back things.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger Nicole said...

Bahhhh-

I've never had a problem getting a hug from you. . .

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger Scott E D said...

Nicole that is becuase you have a great rack ;)

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Nicole said...

LOL!!!

 

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