A New England Christmas

My friend D IMed me the other day, he was looking for something to do on Christmas. He wanted to me to come to NYC. I really wish I could. But with the car still in the shop and still now word on the warranty, I am afraid to spend any money.

I invited D to Boston for Christmas. Which should be interesting if he comes. D and I know each other from when we both lived in LA. We have been friends for around five years. I know all of D’s relatives. He has never met any of mine.

Our families couldn’t be more different. His family is full of all kinds California craziness. His parents are divorced. There are four different religions represented in his immediate family alone. Dan has been three of those religions, sometimes he’s Jewish sometimes not.

My parents have been married for 36 years. No one has lived out side of New England, but me. My father is a Catholic Deacon. I have one Aunt who converted. She is Methodist now. My grandmother refers to her as her Protestant daughter. These are not the type of people who do well with people who are just like them.

D has never really been around people like my family before. We dated for a few months when we first met. He says that there were to many rules while we were dating.

The rules he was referring to were things like:

Please don’t ignore me when we go out with your friends, then blame for not trying to “get into” conversation.

Please don’t blurt out the intimate details of our sex lives over dinner with your friends. Contrary to what you might think straight couples aren’t interested in what we are doing.

If we are in a bar please don’t get so drunk you forget that I am standing next to you and spend the next hour talking to your ex-boyfriend.

These strict rules were too much for him to handle. I can’t wait to hear what he has to say when my Grandmother tells him to ‘shut the fuck up’ for stepping out of line. It will at least fun to watch.

Did I mention he has a very small penis? Since we aren’t dating any more I thought it would be OK for me to say.