Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Bottoms Don't Run the World....I Do!

I thought I would put together a few thing for all you Bottoms to keep in mind. These thing will help you keep your Top happy. After all we all know a happy Top, makes for a happy Bottom.

1. You're not in charge here I am. If you want to be in charge be a Top.
2. Be clean. I know what comes out of that part of your body, but that isn't what you are going to be using it for, so make an effort.
3. Don't move unless you are directed to do so. Chances are you can't see what's going on and I can, take my direction. I promise you will enjoy it.
4. If there is even a slight chance you can't take it all, please say so during our negotiations. It is big. If you think it's to big for you, let's not waste our time.
5. If your ass is hairy it's OK to clip the hair but don't shave it. I don't want stubble burn on my face any more then you do.
6. Stop trying to reenact what you see in porn movies. Real people don't have sex way, again don't move unless told.
7. If you come to my place you will get fucked in the kitchen. Why? 'Cause everyone gets fucked in kitchen.
8. Never call me Daddy. If you have some bizarre fantasy about getting banged by and old man leave me out of it.
9. The whole jock strap thing it's hot for about 10 seconds, the quicker we can get it off the better for both of us.
10. If you are going to be a bottom it's all about your ass, spend some time on the stairmaster. I don't want to see a wave of chub move up your back side.
11. Take responsibility for your orgasms. Don't expect a reach around, I'm already doing some of my best work here.
12. If I come to your place I am not interested in a tour of the house, nor am I interested in getting to know you. If the sex is bad I won't be back. Actually it would probably be better if you answered the door naked. I haven't got all day.
13. There is no need for screaming. A little dirty talk is welcome, but all out wailing is not.
14. When I get up to leave don't grab my arm and ask me to stay with you a little longer. We're not dating. There will be no cuddling.
15. When I am leaving don't lean in for a kiss a handshake will do.
16. Please revisit number two. I can't stress cleanliness enough.

Now if you just keep these mind we will all have a better time.

Thank you.


At 10:53 AM, Blogger David said...

Oho! First a rejoinder:
1. In your dreams.
2. Duh. But at the same time, a little man-musk would not kill you. And how about you wash your dick as well, those things can get just as musty. Nothing worse then picking underwear lint out of your mouth.
3. You have no idea what you're missing. That's why straight men leave their wives, because they just lie there. I'll leave the position choices to you, but damned if I'll just lie there.
4. Honey, don't flatter yourself, and an ounce of gentle is worth a pound of, well, pounding.
5. Shave? Ew.
6. Same to you. "How do you like my big dick in your ass?" Please, Mary.
7. The kitchen, the garage, the attic, on the pool table, think I care? Just make sure you can keep it up, buddy.
8. Please.
9. Fine. But take your socks off, too. I don't care how cold the ktichen floor is.
10. I do lunges, doll. You can bounce a quarter off of 'em.
11. Since my ass is responsible for your orgasm, your hand can return the favor. Get over yourself.
12. It's a one-bedroom, there's not much to tour.
13. Don't flatter yourself.
14. I smell issues.
15. Ditto.
16. And YOU just make sure you took your viagra. I can't tell you the number of times I've been disappointed in that department.

And in conclusion, I think we all learned from the Gulf War that unilateral action never gets you anywhere. Bi-partisan, baby.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Scott E D said...

This came out of frustration with a hook up from yesterday. There are always exceptions.

At 10:29 AM, Blogger sixshooter said...

ladies, ladies, you're both pretty ...

both lists are noteworthy for those of us topping and/or bottoming ... but of course everyone is differnet and likes different things ... i think the owner of the house the deed is being done in gets final say ...

At 11:01 PM, Blogger Hypoxic said...

LOL@david's "And in conclusion, I think we all learned from the Gulf War that unilateral action never gets you anywhere. Bi-partisan, baby".

Scott, great post!

At 11:21 PM, Blogger Spider said...

Well, I though the post was a riot until I read david's response - and THAT was the funniest thing I have read in ages! Bottoms do have rights too! I LOVE #11 - how true is that... and #6 - to which the best response is "When I get a big dick in my ass I will tell you..."

GREAT post and response guys!

At 7:39 AM, Blogger The Persian said...

HAHA..that is the funniest thing ive ever read. I will follow these rules in the future!! LOL

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Atari_Age said...

I'm new here, but thought I'd join in on this one!
Work with each other. But, sometimes two guys are looking for completely different things. Then, frankly, it won't end well.

When I'm topping, if you're unconfortable or hurting, tell me. If I'm into you, I want to know you're enjoying it. But please, don't give me directions and choreography. As a bottom, I've been flipped around, curled into a ball, slammed against a wall once, etc, and as long as it didn't really hurt and I was liking the fucking, I was AOK. However, working in tandem, moving together, is awesome - if we're in synch.

When I'm bottoming (a bit rusty now, but still open), for the love of god, unless this is some pre-arranged abuse scene, please use sufficient lube. I'm happiest when I get the whole dick inside and we're still pounding happily away. As a top, I've think it's worked best with alternation between gentle, tender thrusts, and commanding powerfull bangs. But all that won't work without lube.

In the gentle phases, it's great, cuz when you think you've gotten all the way in, you haven't. A little maneuveriung and a strong but gentle push (this is why tops need starmasters and squats, also!) and you've gone in just that extra bit and everyone is happy.

As for afterwards, that's a whole other subject.

Just my 2 cents.


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