Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It's Not Me, It's You

I am afraid I need to start the phase out of the new boyfriend. Although he has treated me well and I have enjoyed spending time with him there are a few things about him I just can’t get past.

He has a collection of Louis Vuitton bags and other accessories that are probably worth more then my car, which isn’t a problem. If he likes expensive things and can afford them he should have them, but I asked him just how many pieces he had he laughed and said, “ask me ex-boyfriend.” I didn’t need to consult the ex to figure out what he meant considering when we were having dinner with some of his coworkers he told me how much money he makes, with his salary he would have needed 5 year financing plan for just one of the bags (or treasures as he calls them) he has.

Next is his lack of attention to anything that isn’t deeply rooted in three divas, Christina, Mariah, and Kelly. No need for last names he is on a first name basis with all of them. I made a joke about the pictures of Mariah on his my space page “well she is my diva” was his response. Although I will hum along or even sing songs from anyone of these people (which I feel comfortable telling your because we’re friends and I will expect to go no further) there is no way I would refer to any one as diva. Bitch maybe diva no.

Kerry Healy Massachusetts’ Lt. Governor, who is now running for the Governor’s seat in what will be a hotly contested election, is clearly not one of his divas. Not just because she lacks the general savor-faire and charisma of the top three reigning divas, it’s because he had to ask me who she was even thought his neighborhood is plastered with campaign posters saying who she was and what she was doing. More accurately he wanted to know, “Why are there Healy posters everywhere” and “Who’s that again?”

Then there is the fact that he doesn’t drive, it’s not only that he doesn’t have a car which is the case with may people who live and work in Boston, it’s that he doesn’t have a licenses. He grew up in NYC then moved to Boston for college, there was never a real need for him learn. I understand all of this but I can’t up help resent that when we see each other I have the drive the 18 miles to his place. Only once has he offered to take the commuter rail out to make it easier on me.

And all of his friends are gay men and involved are involved in the bear community, while I wholly support the right to be as fat, hairy and look as tough as you want, I find the faux masculinity of it all grating. Growing a beard, wearing knee high Doc Martins, a black T-Shirt and a utility kilt or ripped jeans doesn’t make you more of man, it makes you a queen who is into dress up nothing more. How this relates to our relationship is keeps referring to me as being “woofy” a common bear term. I may need to loose a few pounds, I have body hair, and I could probably even pass for straight but that is just because of who I am not because I have a need to belong to some club or because I feel I have to celebrate the things that would get me chastised by shallowness of most other fags.

Lastly it is because of the way he talked to a woman working at the Chinese takeout place he frequents. She was boxing up our food he told her, not asked her to put hot sauce in the bag. I asked him if his mother had taught him to say please his response was, “not to the wait staff”. He did the quickest back pedal I’d ever seen when I told him what he said was ugly and I reminded him that the woman probably lives in the same neighborhood he does. He didn’t seem to care about what he said to her, just what I thought about it. Then went on to tell me he has a reputation for being rude to waiters.

I know that I am not without my faults. I am incredibly impatient, inflexible, and quick tempered. However I it seems that views of life aren’t inline enough to make a lasting relationship.


At 2:36 PM, Blogger coolbuddha said...

I'd like to say stick with, I will say it: 'Stick with it'. No, sorry, I can't!The omens don't seem good. All the rest, but it's not just his manner to the woman in the Chinese take-out which would grate, it's the "not to the wait staff" comment. He could have meant it as a 'joke', but it doesn't sound like it. Go with your instincts.

At 9:01 AM, Blogger Will said...

Sounds like a complete cultural difference, and that doesn't bode well for the future.

At 10:32 AM, Blogger David said...

I was also going to try and tell you to hang on, but you started to convince me with the election posters and I accepted defeat after the treatment of the waitstaff. Where do these people come from?

At 8:50 AM, Anonymous Nicole said...

Yeah. You know what I think.

At 7:33 PM, Blogger The Persian said...

Sorry that it didn't work out buddy. Bears are people too! :)

In any case (and don't take this the wrong way) the bf sounds like a nightmare. Superficial people don't sit well with me.

Love ya, call me sometime soon!


At 1:38 PM, Anonymous E said...

I really hope these were just some small bumps in our life that we can sort out


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